The mind seems to whir away of its own accord, devises plots and plans to obtain the romantic high. Concentration is shattered, judgment impaired. Obsession begins the cycle that drives the individual to the next phase and beginnings the cycle that drives the individual to the next phase and intensifies as the process plays itself out.
An episode of obsessive thinking can be triggered by almost anything: meeting an attractive person; passing someone on the street; seeing a picture on a billboard; experiencing an emotional low point of self-pity or depression; even passing through a location where the obsession was triggered on a prior occasion. The very promises that the addict makes to avoid triggering the obsession can themselves serve as a trigger.
It is truly a no-win situation. The Hunt. The individual is driven to follow through on the obsession. Inevitably he begins to seek out something or someone that will satisfy that drive. If his object of choice is another person, he may cruise the singles bars. If he is hooked primarily on novels or movies, he will often go through rather elaborate rituals of selecting just the right book or video, setting the scene with music and dim lighting, and so on.
The stronger the obsession, the more diligent the hunt. This is another point at which interference with normal life becomes noticeable if it results in time away from work or home responsibilities. Only one of two things will stop the hunt: finding the object being sought; or being caught looking.
When the object of the hunt is something inanimate, like a book or movie, recruitment is as simple as a business transaction: buy the book or rent the video. When the object is another person, however, the recruitment phase is far more complex. Romance addicts become remarkably skillful at enlisting other people to play the necessary role to complete their romantic fantasy. Sometimes this takes the form of a non-sexual seduction.
Recruitment is always risky. The addict might be embarrassed to run into someone she knows while buying a book with a lurid cover or renting an unsavory video. Worse yet, she might be seen cruising bars or other public places looking for a partner. Worst of all, she might find a prospective partner but have her overtures rebuked.
Love Or Limerence? 11 Signs You’re In A Fantasy Relationship | Thought Catalog
Yet that risk only heightens the romantic intoxication. The rush of adrenaline that accompanies the danger of being caught or found out further propels the addictive cycle. Gratification occurs when the addict succeeds, by whatever means, at realizing her romantic fantasy. The book, the soap opera, the movie does the trick. Or the combination of soft music and candlelight enables her to play out a technicolor romantic dream in her mind. Or another person is found who responds positively to her advances. The itch has been scratched, at least for the moment. Return to Normal.
The immediate effect of gratification is a break in the obsessive thinking and from the pain that fueled it and a return to what feels like normal for a little while. The adrenalin rush recedes, the mind seems to clear. The addict feels peaceful. If it were possible to remain in this state, all might be well.
But no one can remain in a state of perpetual bliss and freedom from stress. Inevitable, the pressures of real life build up again, and something triggers a new round of obsession, hunt, recruitment, and gratification. The very fact of having resolved these problems by resorting to romantic fantasy or acting out frequently brings its own feelings of guilt and remorse. The addict then begins to justify his behavior. He convinces himself that what he did wasnt so bad, that everyone does it, that it was normal, or at least understandable for someone with his unique circumstances and special needs.
His self-talk sounds like this: But I needed it.
There needs to be more detail on how an obsessive love affects the person's friends and families, and how one can disassociate everyone else for this one person. Because there's no such a thing like "obsessive love", there's no such a medical term and the citations are taken from books written by journalists and not scientists, everything being extremely subjective! There is abolutely no base for any of the so called "phases" I would also have to disagree with the suggestion that this article should be removed. My personal experiences as both a sufferer and as a health worker strongly affirm the content of this article.
While it is true that no such clinical diagnosis currently exists within the standard text DSM-IV-TR that does not mean that the ideas raised here are of no worth. There should at least be a couple words stating that this has nothing to do with psychology. I thought this article was spot on and facinating. I have been obsessing over a woman who I am in love with and thought it was unhealthy so I researched to this page and wasn't surprised to see that most of the content was, for me , totally accurate.
I am a sufferer of borderline personality disorder so I wasn't shocked to see it mentioned here. This article has helped me realise how unhealthy my obsessive thoughts and actions have been. It has given me hope! Leave the article be, its helped me realize all the things i been doing wrong for years in my life now. Now I feel i have a chance with women again.
Pizza talk , 5 August UTC. This article has to be removed. The symptoms are just the normal symptoms any person with a broken heart suffers. So this is very helpful and made me notice everything that has happened to me and everything he has done to me. My best friend tried to show me this page and i have just started reading it. Now my best friend has had to be there for me more with what I am going through.
This article is not fake, false, or any variation to those words. My now ex is now in phase 4 and has passed to doing one of the consequences again like i stated earlier. So this article is not garbage and should not be removed. Probably other conditions or group of conditions are better academic labels to what's described. Maybe instead of being just removed, it could be transformed into an article specifically about the book pretty much the sole "source" , rather than suggesting a concept the non-specialist author came up with.
I am going through the same thing.
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I have gotten to the point where i got one of the consequences done to me. I just did today what i had to do to help myself. The only way you can help yourself is to cut him completely out of your life. Tell them you don't want to associate with them. Tell them you are done with them completely. If you don't cut them out of you're life, they will keep doing the same thing again and again. I hope that it gets better for you.
The article seems to suggest that: a subject is violent and stalker-ish towards the object b subject's suspicions are paranoid and unbiased c object breaks off the relationship out of discomfort. Critiques, for each point: a subject is not necessarily the emotionally abusive side; may be obsessed with an emotionally abusive object b cheating and lies prevalent as they are, and people not always even bothering to conceal them, subject may be validly suspicious of behaviours perpetrated think cheating, mind games, emotional abuse , admitted to, and apologized for by the object, semi-forgiven, but quite possibly ongoing c what of subjects breaking off the relationship, unable to bear the stress, embarrassment, or belittlement, despite said obsession for the object?
Aadieu talk , 26 August UTC. Also, I've proposed the merge of love addiction into this article. The only one mentioned in this article is obsessive-compulsive disorder.
10 Stages of Love Addiction
A high proportion of people with borderline personality disorder experience this. There is fear of rejection or abandonment, and of being worthy of such, and the compulsion is toward the target of the obsessive love, causing a belief that the relationship HAS TO work, and failure is not an option. Everything possible must be done to make it work, to succeed, to feel loved and wanted by the specific person being targeted.
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The sufferer does not feel that they have any choice in the matter. They have to have that specific person or they may even kill themselves if they can't have him or her. That line made me laugh, I'll admit. But not sure if it belongs in the intro, since it's not really a verifiable fact, and more like an editorial. Prior content in this article duplicated one or more previously published sources. Copied or closely paraphrased material has been rewritten or removed and must not be restored, unless it is duly released under a compatible license.
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Please see our guideline on non-free text for how to properly implement limited quotations of copyrighted text. Wikipedia takes copyright violations very seriously, and persistent violators will be blocked from editing. While we appreciate contributions, we must require all contributors to understand and comply with these policies. Thank you. Justlettersandnumbers talk , 23 October UTC. This section is totally uncited and is more relevant to the show it talks about than the subject of the article Furthermore, the article seems to talk more about media references than actual specifics about the condition which may be hard to come by, since it's apparently not explicitly categorised in DSM IV and is a "hypothetical state".
Double sharp talk , 30 April UTC. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.